Never what you wanted
by sonicsora
Summary: You find happiness where you can. Even if it is in a marriage of convenience. Yukiko and Yosuke can attest to the fact love isn't easy, especially when you seem to be the only gay people in town.


Whilst I am a huuuge sap for femslash/Slash in general. I had this idea hit me awhile back and I had to write it out. This has been in the making for a year or more so far, hopefully it reads how i originally pictured it.

There is a ton of internalized homophobia on the characters part and a slur thrown around once. So be wary if that makes you uncomfortable! This an exploration of the two never quite owning up to their feelings, much less outing themselves to the world.

Also posted on AO3 for anyone who sees it up there!

####

It was all about connivence really.

Well, that was what Yukiko had been telling herself for years. Nothing but connivence and some vague form of companionship. Yosuke certainly wasn't her first choice, but- they worked well enough together. They made a promise and kept it best they could.

The head of Inaba's Junes branch and owner of the Amagi Inn- they in some respects were a power couple. He the new force in the city (still, even at thirty old housewives got catty at Yosuke over the most trivial things) and she was the old ways. They were pretty much a couple envied by most people for bringing new and old together. Inaba of the past connected to its future.

The perfect, be it oddly balanced, couple. She was the elegant swan, whilst he was the clown. He was a 'good obedient' boy who took the Amagi name with no protest.

Though, Yukiko wasn't even really attracted to Yosuke. He lacked certain attributes she liked, to say the very least. She couldn't really choose to be picky though, not when she was growing older and her parents were expecting her to be dating or to get married to someone one of these days. Their anxious looks and inquisitive questions spoke volumes about their expectations for her.

Yosuke certainly didn't have the same pressure on his shoulders, but he at the time had been getting tired of the constant teasing from people for not having a girlfriend. It stopped being an awkward phase after you hit twenty two and still had no real girlfriend. The gossiping housewives did little to make things any better. Not that he really wanted a girlfriend anyway.

He liked a different sort of attribute in a romantic partner, particularly one that rose to attention.

Even if Yosuke wouldn't even remotely admit that fact. Years, years and years later, he still got antsy about the topic, even when Yukiko brought it up in private. It always made her roll her eyes in annoyance, but she let it pass. It wasn't like she was any better about it really.

She had only ever really came down on the topic once. The two of them striking up a deal, if he felt the need, he could find a partner in the city and she could do the same. Forcing themselves into anything else wasn't fair, not after the first few awkward times.

Thinking about it just made Yukiko sigh a little, she pushing aside the bank statements and her financial books to stand up. Gracefully pushing her chair back to move through her study, glancing into the hallway. It hard to really miss the sound of Yosuke tromping his way through the inn. He returned from his trip to the nearby city a few hours early. A Junes mandated trip of course. He was the head of their local branch now, it meant he took over his father's responsibilities.

Yukiko pulled the door open to her study, listening to him before calling in his direction. "Welcome back!"

"Thanks." Was his cheery response from the next room, it warranting an upward curve of the woman's lips as she heard him start whistling.

It wasn't hard to guess what happened, he had been in the neighboring city for a week after all. Only three of those days were really business ones. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself." She said with an amused hum of her own as she lightly rested a hand against the doorframe of her study, watching as Yosuke popped out of the living room with a wide grin. His stubble was already growing back in. It made Yukiko want to convince him to shave.

"Hard not to when I'm doing so much business!" His grin spoke there had been much more.

With how stressed Yosuke got, he needed the break. Working for Junes and at the Inn made for a busy kind of life. She would get her own trip in a month or two when all local Inn owners gathered for the annual get together. It lasted two weeks. Plenty of time for her to find someone who looked like Chie in a seedy club.

##2013##

 _Her eyes widened at his words, her voice falling into a hushed and awed whisper. "You too?"_

 _"Y-Yeah." He toyed with his headphones nervously, eyes nervously watching her. Sweat beaded heavily on his brow, making him look like he had run a marathon. His hair was sticking to the side of his face._

 _"I thought..." She glanced away for a long moment, feeling sick. She never expected Yosuke to say this, Kanji possibly, but Yosuke was a shock. "I thought I was alone."_

 _"Well." Yosuke bit his lip. His expression was sour, like he had bit into a lemon. "You aren't."_

 _Yukiko laughed, that undignified laugh everyone teased her for. She slapped her knees, head thrown back at the absurdity of it all._

 _"H-Hey! Its not funny!" He hissed, turning a deep shade of red as he squished himself further down into the river bank's grass._

 _"It- It!" She wheezed as she fell back into the grass. Her laughter faded off after a moment or two longer, giving her a chance to speak again. "We're both..."_

 _"Fags?" Yosuke muttered back, turning even redder at having to say the word. Yukiko smacked him for that, "We're... different."_

 _"Yeah, just two people who are in love with their best friends." He rolled his eyes, flopping down into the grass next to her. His headphones lay forgotten in his lap, Yukiko could hear music still playing from it even from where she lay. "This sucks. Why couldn't I be normal?"_

 _"What if..." She watched him for a long moment, "If we can't get over them, we could... get together?"_

 _Yosuke jerked back up into a seated position, shock was written starkly across his features. "Woah, woah what?" She held her hands up in surrender, nervously avoiding his gaze. "It's... just a suggestion."_

 _"A weird one. Why would you-?"_

 _"We could be weird together. Everyone would think we're normal. We'd be able to just... cover for each other." She quickly cut in, it was her turn to go red in the face, already regretting the suggestion at all. Yosuke was such a pain._

 _Her reasoning did the trick in making Yosuke go quiet. He stared at her for a long time, not saying anything. Yukiko could see the gears turning in his head at this point. He at least was thinking about what she said._

 _"If.. If we can't get over this in three years, we do it." He offered his hand out to her in an awkward approximation of a handshake. Yukiko snorted at it, rising to take his hand in her own. Maybe more time in college would help, finally make them normal. "Agreed."_

####

The feeling of Yukiko's cool hand pressed against his forehead made a soft tired sound escape Yosuke. He opened his eyes to squint at his wife. The elegant woman pursing her lips in a frown back at him as long fingers coaxed across the hot surface of his forehead.

"You're sick." Her tone was more accusing over anything else. Concern and displeasure clear enough in her expression. He knew she cared, but Yukiko was the task master of the inn. No one questioned her authority. He already could feel whatever was bothering her was going to rise to the surface.

"Lot of flus going round at Junes." He answered weakly back, closing a single eye and grimacing as her slim fingers trailed across his cheek.

"Mhmm." Yosuke was not oblivious to large amount of the doubt contained in that single sound. Her brows pinched together in the way he knew was trouble. They had been teammates, friends and partners long enough for him to know what that meant. "Not from your trip to the city?"

"Yukiko, I'm not stupid." He had to admit, he was more than a little hurt at the accusation. They had this arrangement for a few years by this point. He wasn't the same awkward teenager he had been when they first met. They were nearing their late thirties and had a comfortable system in place.

"Sometimes that's debatable." She snapped back, her touch was still gentle even if her words were biting. The black haired woman smoothing out the blankets laid over Yosuke out of habit. "Someone saw you with your boyfriend."

"W-what?" He stuttered back, eyes widening as he struggled to sit up from where he lay, Yukiko pushed him back with a frown. "Someone from Inaba?"

"Yes. Kou. He came by the inn earlier to warn me about it. He was in the city running an errand for his sister." She crossed her arms over her chest, lips thinning out. "He told me you were… getting fresh with someone. Someone much younger than either of us."

His fingers clenched into a fist, expression tightening as he found himself pressed back further into the bed. Even more color starting to drain from his features as he stared up at the woman. "He-"

"I talked to him about it. He wasn't entirely convinced, but he isn't going to pursue the topic. Nor will he mention it to Chie."

"You- sure?"

"Not entirely, but- he believes me. For now at least." She reached up to tuck a few loose strands of hair behind her ear. "It helped that I admitted we were trying for a child." Which was something they were being awkwardly pushed towards. Neither were exactly excited about it. "Now he thinks you're having a midlife crisis because I'm pregnant and will get over it with time."

Yosuke grimaced, coaxing his hand through his hair. Uncomfortably twisting on the futon as Yukiko cast her gaze back down at him. She sighed again, dropping that awkward topic for the original reason she came in to check on him. "Just- be more careful next time. That was our whole agreement in the first place. Descreetion and safety first, thrills second."

"I know." He grumbled back, his eyes closing for the moment as he grabbed at the pillow on their futon, covering his face with it. He knew he had screwed up. If he got caught again... people would start talking. Even if Yukiko wasn't Yu, he liked all of this. The safety and comfort of their home. No one could call him any names again. Nor could they talk about Yukiko in that way. Both of them were safe.

Yukiko gave an exasperated sound, lightly tapping his chest with her hand. She mistook his drifting thoughts as a pout. "Since you've been chided fully, get some rest. I can already tell you're going to just get worse."

"Am not." Now he was pouting, it was hard not to with the tone she was taking.

"Are too." She jabbed him in the chest, arching a thin brow back at him.

He swatted her away sulkily. "Yukiko, c'mon!"

"You always turn into a baby when you get sick." She rose now, resisting the urge to prod him again. "Remember. If the staff ask, deny."

Yosuke peeked from behind his pillow, his stomach tensing up at the look on Yukiko's face. "Yeah. Of course."

####

"Are we going to…?" She looked at him from where she sat at her desk. Her study's door firmly shut due to Yosuke leaning against it.

"We… should." He looked more pained than Yukiko had seen him be in a long time. He crossed his arms over his chest, the bright orange of his apron almost eye searing in contrast to the warmer neutral tones of the room. "It's Yu and Rise's baby shower, it'd be weird if we didn't go. They want us there."

"We could always say we're busy or sick?" She toyed with her obi out of habit. She almost wanted her mother here to slap her hands away from the fabric.

"Its Yu and Rise." Yosuke repeated, "I couldn't leave my partner in the lurch, even if it's an girly ass baby shower. He… wanted to get together anyway and talk. He wanted to catch up."

Yukiko's brows knit together, her hands finding a place together in a begging gesture. Her fingers wove together tightly as she spoke. "Please, please, do not get drunk."

"You know I'll be fi-"

"I don't know, Yosuke. I don't know if you can handle it." She scowled back at him, rising to stand up now. Her office chair rolled back into the desk with a soft thump. "You're in love with him. Just as much as I'm in love with Chie. We both know I don't drink around her for a reason."

"I'm not about to launch into a love confession, y'know." He spit back, scowling in turn. He clenched and unclenched his hands, frustration written clearly on his face.

"Aren't you though? He can coax almost anything out of any of us…" Yukiko covered her face with her hands. Panic pierced its way through her as she thought about everything unraveling. Their home, their friends- being alone- all of it scared her more than she thought it would. "I can't handle that Yosuke. I need you."

"I know- I know!" He threw his arms in the air, anger was there and then gone in a flash as he moved away from the door. "Shit, Yukiko! I get it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I need you too."

"I love you. Even if-"

"Yeah." He stepped forward to pull her into his grasp. Yukiko could feel the tremors running through him. They were cowards. Cowards of the highest caliber. She never told Chie and he never told Yu. They never admitted they were different.

Cowards who found each other and married one another.

"I'm here." He murmured against her hair, work worn hands resting against the small of her back. "I'm not leaving."

"Thank you."

###

Yukiko hooked her arm with Yosuke's in a single fluid motion as they walked together. The humid heat that settled over the neighborhood made her regret it immediately, but she didn't want to lose Yosuke out here. Knowing his luck, he'd find a handsome young man who looked similar enough to Yu to get distracted. Not that she could say much, she already found her eyes drifting across women with short hair they passed. They were better together.

"We're almost there." He spoke up at the feeling of her squeezing his arm. "Pretty sure being a little late is fashionable, right?"

"Mhmm." She glanced up from under her hat at him. Sometimes she wondered how he got so tall. "That likely doesn't apply to baby showers."

"C'mon, its Rise's baby shower. I mean… she's wild yeah? She is a huge pop star still."

Yukiko narrowed her eyes back at her husband disapprovingly. Was he really being a pervert about a woman eight months pregnant. "I really hope you aren't picturing what I think you are."

"H-hey-" He stopped himself. At thirty, Yosuke sometimes managed to contain his running mouth. "Look, I know they won't mind. We haven't seen either of them in awhile so it'll be fine."

The black haired woman patted his arm with her hand, "True enough." She could feel Yosuke relax in her grasp, his fear of being slapped faded off.

The pair walked in a comfortable silence together, Yukiko's gaze drifting across the houses they passed as the sun started to dip lower and lower in the sky.

He came to a stop in a particularly quiet neighborhood. "Here." The house was as nice as Yukiko pictured it being, traditional but modern. Greenery hung heavy over the fence, creating a heavy shadow and privacy. Drying laundry swayed overhead on the balcony of the home in the faint breeze blowing through the neighborhood. It was idyllic and dreamy, something Yukiko would have loved as a child.

"This is very Yu." She murmured softly. She could see touches of Rise in the modern elements, the nice windows, paint choices, mailbox and colorful curtains.

"Yeah…" She could hear the longing in his voice, looking up at him only confirmed it. She squeezed his arm gently, wanting to pull him back to the present. "We should head inside, Yosuke."

"Right." He handed Yukiko the gift bag, she rolled her eyes at his need to preserve his masculinity but didn't say anything about it. "You think it's gonna go well?"

"Yes." She pressed a kiss against his shoulder, "It'll be a fun party."

She let Yosuke step forward to announce their arrival. He knocked on the door as she waited a step or two behind him. Yu himself answered and Yukiko knew immediately she wasn't going to see Yosuke the rest of the night. Yu's hair had grown out from his usual style, pulled into a rough semblance of a ponytail, stray grey strands fell around his face. He wore a loose cream colored button up shirt and slacks, sparkly baby pins tacked on his shirt. The man had glitter all over him. Yukiko already knew every who entered would leave with glitter.

"Yosuke, Yukiko! We were wondering if you were okay. I was just about to call you."

"Of course, sorry for making you worry. We got a little lost." Yosuke laughed back, brightening up at the sight of his best friend. Yukiko chuckled lowly at that, speaking up now. "We had a detour because someone wanted a parfait."

The laughter Yu and the guests inside was worth the comment. Yosuke tossed her an amused smile in turn, only having a weak defense against the comment. Rise toddled to the door, glowing from her pregnancy, utterly happily at the sight of them and ushering the couple inside. She looked happier than Yukiko remembered from last time they all met up.

Yukiko had been right, the party was fun. There was no love confessions or drinking. Yosuke mooned for Yu when no one else was looking, but could turn it on Yukiko when everyone else looked at them. She suspected she did the same with Chie.

When he had the chance, he and Yu ran off to catch up. Yukiko let herself get more comfortable next to Chie and Naoto. Kanji teased Rise easily, his old nervousness gone in place of confidence that came with age. The two laughing and bantering easily filled the void of Yu's presence. Even now, he somehow became leader to them.

The feeling of Chie's leg against her own made Yukiko's heartbeat jump and a blush settle across the back of her neck. All Yukiko wanted to do was kiss her. Kiss the police officer senseless. Yukiko could practically picture the softness of Chie's lips on her own, the firmness of the other woman's hands caressing her skin, the husky sound Chie would make when her breasts were fondled.

Yosuke emerged with Yu an hour later, the two laughing and high fiving excitedly. Yukiko was more than a little relieved. The heat of being so close and so far made her cling to Yosuke when they left. She could tell he was feeling the same way from how he walked close to her. They wanted to pretend, they wanted to be normal. The promise of normalcy would last somehow.

The unexpected part was the fact Yosuke managed to get her pregnant that night in their hotel room nearby.

###

She tapped her pen against her lip, wrinkling her nose uncomfortably at the twinge from her belly. Her gaze dropped downwards, frowning somewhat. "You're as bad as Yosuke…" She breathed softly back down at the swell that was her child. "Let me focus, would you?"

"Are you talking to the baby again?" Yosuke's voice carried from the next room, reminding Yukiko she left her study door open again out of habit.

"Someone needs to talk to them." She called back with a slight smile.

"Him!"

She leaned back into her chair, calling into the next room. "Like I need another version of you running around!" Yukiko could hear laughter from a few staff members of the Inn walking by.

"Those two…" A maid laughed softly to the cook, "One would think they'd mature with age."

"This place wouldn't be fun if they did." He chortled in turn.

Would they say that if she married Chie, if Yosuke married Yu?

Yukiko rose from her seat unsteadily, her smile never fading from her expression as she closed her office door. She moved to simply sit at her desk and work through the quiet tears. Hormones were her enemy as much as her heart. Some part of her knew, she had made this a forever thing, her flights of fantasy of possibly running away with Chie were going to remain just that, a fantasy. This was her life now, married to Yosuke with a child on the way.

###

Yoko and Usagi Amagi were born December 10th. Both girls had Yosuke's eyes and apparent vocal range when it came to crying. She hoped at least some of herself was present.

Yukiko would have laughed at the irony, two days after her birthday, really? What were the odds? She laughed a little as she watched Yosuke cradle both twins close to his chest. Even now he still sounded awed. "How did you even fit these two in you?"

"Carefully." She murmured softly back, reclining back in her favorite arm chair as the music junkie pressed kisses against the girl's foreheads. The babies gurgled and whimpered at the attention. They were three months old at this point and still tiring out the couple.

Yukiko knew she could never romantically love Yosuke, but she was happy as she could be. Children didn't solve anything, didn't mend any of her problems, but- she could still pretend.

She could still make her parents proud. She and Yosuke could still keep that promise. They would be normal.


End file.
